I had to speak at a faculty meeting yesterday. It's not the first time. For a year I co-led the faculty meetings with our university president, but that was a while ago. In recent years I have chaired a committee that reports at each faculty meeting, but I have submitted a written report each time in advance and fielded questions. Sometimes I get nervous anticipating hard questions, but so far it has been gentle.
Recently I have been speaking on an issue as a faculty member. I am nervous talking about it (how our university acknowledges Labor Day or doesn't) since it touches my feelings deeply, and dread doing so in anticipation. I spend a lot of time, especially the day of the meeting, trying out in my mind various approaches.
Maybe because I prepare it has gone well when I start speaking, far more comfortable than I anticipate. My conscious mind is so insecure but the rest of my mind seems to function well, and yet I don't trust in it despite years of good experience.
I don't enjoy public speaking, and I don't think that I'm excellent at it, but I've build up some good-will with this group over the decades and that helps a lot.
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