Focus

I have taken on more responsibilities this term, all things that I wanted and felt that I could be of service with, although perhaps not all at once.

For whatever reason I feel as if when I am working that I've been doing a better job of focusing. Given that my memory weakens with age and volume of details, I have forced myself to constantly check my calendar to see what's coming next instead of relying on my short-term memory. I am constantly reviewing my to-do list to prioritize what I do.  I always mourn the things left undone but they are not surprising me as much now as they have often done in the past.

This may be a short-term phase, flying on caffeine and adrenaline, so I don't want to rely upon it continuing indefinitely.  For however long it lasts I remain grateful.

Public Speaking

I had to speak at a faculty meeting yesterday. It's not the first time.  For a year I co-led the faculty meetings with our university president, but that was a while ago.  In recent years I have chaired a committee that reports at each faculty meeting, but I have submitted a written report each time in advance and fielded questions.  Sometimes I get nervous anticipating hard questions, but so far it has been gentle.

Recently I have been speaking on an issue as a faculty member.  I am nervous talking about it (how our university acknowledges Labor Day or doesn't) since it touches my feelings deeply, and dread doing so in anticipation.  I spend a lot of time, especially the day of the meeting, trying out in my mind various approaches.

Maybe because I prepare it has gone well when I start speaking, far more comfortable than I anticipate.  My conscious mind is so insecure but the rest of my mind seems to function well, and yet I don't trust in it despite years of good experience.

I don't enjoy public speaking, and I don't think that I'm excellent at it, but I've build up some good-will with this group over the decades and that helps a lot.