Year's End

I'm in my office, possibly for the last time for 2013.  I've done the major tasks and now I'm clearing some minor tasks off my to-do list.  I am ready for the Joint Mathematics Meetings next month, including my talk.

Tuesday we leave town to visit my in-laws and then later my family.  I do not look forward to this.  I love my family but traveling with my wife and kids is never restful.  My in-laws take an eternity to do anything and qre night people, going against the grain of my being.  My Mom moves from crisis to crisis.  I treasure my visits to the gym mostly just for some quiet time.

Not a bad year overall, especially with the weight loss and improvement in my diabetes and blood pressure.  I'm hopeful for next year, definitely looking forward to the JMM.

End of (Another) Semester

As I write this I am proctoring my third and last final exam.  I have graded the first and second final exams and computed the term grades for the first class.  The second one has a make-up exam today and I prefer to do all the grades at once for consistency's sake.

After compute the grades I will be done with this semester's classes.  Before I start working on my Spring semester classes I will want to prepare my talk for the Joint Mathematics Meetings in January and get all the details of that trip worked out.

I am mentally and physically worn thin as is common for me at this point in the school year.  I did sing in a concert last Tuesday and attended another concert last night, so music has been uplifting even as sleep has been elusive.  As always I would like to recharge my batteries before visiting family for the holidays;  maybe I can do better this year.  We'll see.

I've plateau-ed on the weight loss as my mental resources have diminished.  It takes effort for me to lose weight and I would like to put forth that effort again.  Success leads to success, so if I can't get off this plateau and start lowering my weight again that will support continuing to do so.

Plateau

My weight loss has stalled at around 192 pounds.  When I reach 191  I'll go from being technically obese to being technically overweight.

As the semester comes to an end and with the Thanksgiving holiday my schedule has been inconsistent.  I think that I am better dieting when I have a fixed schedule that I can plan to remove eating from; with a blur of different activities my baser instincts dominate and my hands reach for snacks without my telling them to consciously.

Still feeling better than when I was at 220 pounds, so I haven't relapsed but it is hard getting off this plateau.

Obese Light

My weight loss and consequent ubiquitous hunger still dominate my thoughts.  Based on my BMI, I am close to the boundary between being overweight and being obese, on the obese side.  I hope soon to cross over.  It is a long way after that to being of "normal" weight.

Semester Coming to an End

We are mid-November, with a late Thanksgiving.  There's two weeks of classes, then half a week, then half a week, then final exams.

It's been a good term.  A lot of whatever will power I've had has gone toward dieting.  The singing has been great fun.  The classes are going well, although I don't know that I'll ever be fully confident teaching Geometry.

My, how the time has flown.  I feel as if I am doing a better job prioritizing and keeping track of due dates.

Hunger

My dieting continues to be successful.  It was a thrill to lower the first digit of my weight (in base ten) from 2 to 1.

In order to sustain my weight loss I've had to be hungrier than I am used to.  No lunches anymore.  I've gotten off of my injections for my Type II diabetes and will slowly wean myself from the medication in pill form.

Ah, but the hunger. :(

Losing Weight

I've been overweight for half my life.  I exercise very regularly, so the problem has been my diet.  This past six weeks I've been eating less and less, and I've got my weight down to a three-year low.  I've still got a long ways to go.  I've met some of the easier goals, in terms of being able to get around more easily, to get up and down from the floor more easily.  My next goal in progress is weaning myself off of injected medication, and then oral diabetes medication.  The next goal would be to improve my jogging to where I feel that my speed is greater than walking.  Ultimately of course I want to be happy with what I see in the mirror.

I am so hungry.

Losing Weight

I've actually started losing weight by hardly eating in addition to exercising.  I don't know how long I can maintain it but I have more hope for getting to a healthier weight than I've had for a while, and I'm not sure what's behind it.

Busy

In the third week of the semester, and I don't feel as if I have any slack time between classes and meetings.  I'm not sure how it is different---it's easier not having to worry about child care transportation, but it still feels tighter.  So far so good, and I really shouldn't give in to unfocused dread.

Another School Year Begins

This was the first time that I've missed our Planning Week.  I had my class preparation done before leaving town, but it was still a shock to come back to things just as they were about to start.

My Tuesday/Thursday schedule is full, so I'm feeling the loss of my summer freedom not only on those days but also when I think of them as well. Wednesdays will be pretty unscheduled, and Mondays and Fridays somewhere in the middle.

Wish I had more of my preparation done with in the summer but so far so good.

Anniversary Trip

My wife and I will be celebrating our 25th anniversary with a trip to San Francisco.  The logistics of what to do with the kids (they're flying to stay with my wife's family) were interesting enough.

I don't feel as if either of us has had much time for planning for what to do when we're there.  I've just gotten to listing some big picture possibilities to run by her.  Hate the thought of just wandering around and time going by.  Guess that's my neurosis.

Off to Another Conference

I haven't left yet and already I'm sad about having to return.  To much work and home stress---I can feel it in my neck and shoulders.  I need to have a bit more control over my time and have less negative input from others.  These trips really are vacations, and I need this one.

Podcasts

My commute (about an hour each way) has always been time lost from my life.  Music has been a constructive use of the time.  For a while now I have been listening to podcasts and now am addicted.

The earliest "podcast" that I listened to was Prairie Home Companion;  I set a timer on my stereo to tape it for playing at a later date.  Radio has been hit or miss in terms of catching my favorite shows.

I could listen to some shows from the internet and binged periodically.

Now that my smart phone can download and play podcasts I've extended my range considerably, including movie reviews, politics, and humor.  My commute is much less onerous.

Family Visit Recovery

It's always been a physical ordeal to visit our family in NY and PA.  It is a long drive, although the kids do not scream nearly as much as they used to.

At my in-laws' house they have a mattress that is rock-hard and at my mother's house the mattress gives no back support.  My back is screaming in agony after a month.

I dread the visits less not so much because I am doing physically (I'm not). I think that I just don't care anymore.  That kind of scares me.

Another Visit with Family

Heading out on Saturday for a week of driving to visit family with my family.  The trip is much less high maintenance now that the kids are older and more self-sufficient.  With each year I become more bothered by logistics:  too many people in the house and consequently less sleeping, less access to bathrooms, etc.;  not much room in the closet, none in the bureau for unpacking stuff, living out of suitcase, etc.

I keep thinking longingly of living in a hotel each time.  Yet when I do my family causes the same issues, just not as fervently.

Looking forward to my next conference and some time to myself.

Waiting at Home for the Service Person

I guess every homeowner has experiences to share about late service-personnel.  Having an hour commute means that staying at home is not casual for me---it changes the destiny of my work-day.

In any event I didn't sleep well last night so I've got a headache and am feeling irritable.

Programming

Periodically, when I give myself permission, I become obsessed about programming.  It didn't start until my first full-time job as a financial modeler.  It was hard not to have productivity projects in mind when I was programming most of the work-day.

It's a mania.  It's hard to focus on other things when I am not at the keyboard.  Corrections occur to me when I am doing other things.

And then abruptly I feel closure, whether or not I am done.  Subconsciously I withdraw the permission.

Writing

Well, it's just me in my office, trying to write some papers and a presentation.

I'm not a gifted writer;  I'm better as a programmer and I'd rather program about a topic than try to explain it in prose.

One of my papers is something that is based on programming and seems to be flowing well.

The other paper is a revision of a presentation that I've given and is taking a bit more thought on how to express things better but the content is in place.

The talk is bogging down a bit.

In a little while my hours will be trimmed by my kids schedules after school ends.  That adds a bit of a rush to my work, which at this point in the summer is silly.

Post-Commencement

I often feel very depressed at and shortly after Commencement.  While we all promise to stay in touch, we don't.  It's essentially goodbye to students we've known for years.  If we do see or hear from them later, they are different people in many ways.

This year I didn't feel so depressed, but not because I am any more stable emotionally.  Rather I felt detached---many students didn't stop by our department's faculty after Commencement, and eventually we left.

Pre-Commencement

Strange timing this year.  My Spring final exams occurred as early as possible, and my grades are done a week before Commencement.  I did have a student meeting this morning but the official course-work is done  earlier this term than any other Spring Term that I can recall.

I have things that I want to start working on, but not surprisingly, it's hard to focus.  I'm tired mentally and physically.  I'm trying to move forward on some stuff, no matter how slowly.

Waiting on the Electrician (or someone like him)

I left work early (and brought grading home with me) while electricians are working on some fault here at our house.  They've got the lights working again but something is still wrong; every time they start to close up their work the lights go back out again.

I feel very claustrophobic when I'm home waiting on house repairs.  It's not so bad during the summer so I guess it's related to work-stress.  Not much of that left before the end of the semester.

Trying to Slow Down

I tried to take the day off yesterday, and mostly did.  I slept in, went to see a matinee, and did no schoolwork.  I did cook dinner, a simple recipe.

I was tired and achy the whole day, and had trouble thinking straight.  It's hard without the adrenaline and caffeine---I guess that I am acclimated.  I wonder how I can help myself to heal, physically and mentally.

Approaching the End

The semester is taking on a different pace.  Part of it is me staying at work more because of the concerts;  in any event I'm getting further ahead in my class preparation and planning for the last weeks of the semester.

Still exhausted because of the concerts but it's worthwhile.

Concert

Tonight is the dress rehearsal for a choral concert tomorrow that I'll be singing in.  I really like the music, so I'm enjoying the process.  It cuts into my sleep time staying late these two nights but what doesn't?  I also had a bit of extra time not spent with my family to get further along in my class preparation, etc.  That should sadden me but it doesn't, which meta-saddens me.

More late night grading

Very tired.  I usually am at this point in the semester.  Too much work, not enough rest or relaxation.  Definitely feeling as if my brain is fried.

Pinched Nerve

I've got a pinched nerve, right between my shoulder blades.  It makes my left arm fell "pins and needles" depending on how I orientate my neck, and is painful.  I've had them before---they take forever to heal.  I need to stop carrying things on my shoulders such as my briefcase strap, etc.

Pain is very distracting;  it disturbs what little sleep and rest I get.

Spring Break

Spring Break (at least at my university) feels very different from Fall Break.  The whole university community seems more winded as we sprint toward the end of the school year.  It makes sense to take a whole week to catch our breath.

As with all my vacations I focus on the things that I don't accomplish to self-flagellate and not on the things that I do accomplish.  I'm keenly aware this week as well of how much my body hurts from the damage I've done to it with too many late night grading-sessions and carrying to many heavy bags around on my shoulder.

Who knows?  Perhaps I'll learn to savor my accomplishments and to be a better steward of my health.  It could happen.

Back from Conference

I've been dismayed at how miserable I have felt physically at my last several conferences.  Back pain, sleep loss, bleary eyes---all have made it difficult to feel energetic about networking, etc.

On the flip side the relief from my normal responsibilities and stressors is significant.  I look forward to my next conference.  I just wish that I felt better.

Back Pain

I've lived with back pain off and on as an adult.  There was a really bad incident before the kids were born where I was unable to get off the floor without crying.  I've just had a moderately bad episode, a week before going to a conference.

I stretch each day, but I also carry much more than I should.  That seems to be the primary cause, as opposed to over-doing it at the gym or my perpetual sleep loss.  I may need to start using my luggage carrier prophylactically.

Sleepless

I've been pulling too many late nights on schoolwork, and aside from the pain it's causing my body it's been very difficult to keep my thoughts together.  I'm still reacting very well in a structured environment but without structure my mind is all over the place.  I remain grateful for the good habits and reflexes that I have developed over the years to keep me functional at times like this.

Two Weeks Done

Now we're in the thick of the semester;  work is coming in to be graded, and I've assigned a project.

So far so good with the freshmen classes;  the students seem eager to maintain my respect.  The upperclassmen are a bit fussier, demanding more.

Tired;  how do I ever maintain this pace, semester after semester?

Feeling Ahead

I seem to be making good steady progress on both my class preparation and some writing.  I suspect the main reason is not being chair anymore;  the last six January's were full of annual evaluations, looking for adjuncts, changing schedules, etc.  It's not just the time committed to these tasks---it was the attention that they took away from my individual work.

I may want to be chair again someday but I really do need to experience a lack of responsibility for others for a while.

Major Conference

Well, I've made it to San Diego for five days.  A major conference---a mix of talks but enough of them to provide a bunch of good talks.  A chance to give my own talk.

Also a chance to be on my own and not responsible for others.  Such a nice change.

Holiday Recovery

I'm back for our annual holiday trip to visit family.  It went mercifully quickly.  My mind keeps racing (caffeine) and the slow pace of sitting around waiting for people to get ready to do things drives me up a wall, as does sitting around listening to people talk about things that have nothing to do with me.

This trip is always followed by the Joint Mathematics Meetings, which is a nice time for me to be alone, to go where I want when I want, etc.  A brief internal locus of control.