Temporary Office

I am working in an office that is normally used for two adjuncts.  It is peaceful, and I am able to think deeply, at least in terms of physical logistics.

After a week of getting more sleep I am very slowly finding my ability to dwell on one topic increasing, but after these years as department chair I still have a remarkably short attention span.

Annual Evaluation

I had a pretty frustrating meeting with my dean to discuss my annual evaluation.  I feel very strongly that the job description for being department chair is not very accurate in describing the day-to-day expectations of the job.  I was not articulate in expressing this and was chastised for not writing more in my self-evaluation about the role of department chair.  The rest of the self-evaluation seemed satisfactory.

Lot of rejoinders sprang to mind afterward.  I have yet to see the written report and may need to request revisions.  I feel that I let myself down despite my preparation---too worn out by the end of the semester.

Proctoring a Final Exam

I'm proctoring a final exam.  One student turned in his exam early and I've already graded it.  I want to grade the rest now, but I have to wait for them to finish.  I've brought work along but I don't feel like doing it.  I have to finish grading in 24 hours of the exam because of the need to turn senior grades in.  I want to get it done.  But I have to wait.

Reflection

The older I get the more aware I become of the damage my sins have caused me.

Every day is a struggle to let God heal me.

I don't know why I fear becoming whole.

Home Stretch

I shouldn't use sports metaphors since I don't know much about sports; I do remember running in half-marathons decades ago and what the home stretch meant to me.  When the end was in sight, I sprinted.  It was a pretty feeble sprint after running 13 miles, but I just couldn't give less than my best at that point without disappointing myself deeply.

We have two weeks of classes left, and my responsibilities as department chair are starting to dwindle.  Already a significant fraction (around 20%?) of departmental correspondence has shifted to my successor.  Part of me wonders if I should feel some sort of jealousy/envy/resentment, but mostly I just feel the fatigue, the mental fog and the pain in my body.  I think that I'm tackling what remains with my best effort.  I hope so.

Renovations

We will have to pack our offices in the next five weeks for renovations and will be housed temporarily elsewhere for over a month.

My office has been my home away from home, my personal space in a way that I don't have personal space at home.  My family are very comfortable using every open space to set their stuff down and walk away.

It is daunting.  Thank God I won't be chair during most of it.

Easter Week

For some (macho?) reason I volunteer to sing at all five services on Easter weekend. I do one duet, so it's not as if I'm crucial to the outcome, but I do lend support from the bass section.

Every year I go into Easter Weekend with a sleep deficit. It must tie in somehow with how busy work gets after Spring Break. Yet Easter moves around on the calendar, so I don't see how.

In any event I am trying to function with a blinding fatigue headache and be in an appropriately spiritual mood. Not quite successful.