Summertime and the Worries Come Easy

Summer is flying by.  I never enjoy summer, given my high expectations of what I will accomplish.

Like many of my colleagues and students I do function better with a panic-Adrenalin rush, and move much more slowly during the summer without that rush.

Slow Summer Workdays

I am several weeks into the summer break.  I am moving so slowly at work without the adrenaline terror that prompts me throughout the academic year. I'd like to think that I am more contemplative but I know that I am just not as focused as I would like to be.

Life in the Slow Lane

It was very very busy, and now it's not.  When school ends for our kids there will be car pooling logistics and eventually summer travels but right now I have control over my schedule to a large degree.  I don't feel closure yet on the 2014-2015 academic year---reports to right, household chores deferred.  I am getting things done, but the list is long.

Eventually the loneliness will sink in---so few people around here at work.

Last Day of Classes

Even though it is a relief, especially in the Spring semester, to come to the end of classes, it still feels bittersweet.  It works well for me to use the last class meeting to summarize and then answer questions for the final exam.  It is decidedly not a triumphant feeling.  I and the students all seem to be completely drained.

Graduation is worse---saying goodbye to students I've worked with for four years.

Committee Work

I have done a lot of committee work in my career.  This confuses me since I am an introvert, and yet I find myself drawn to procedural solutions to problems that I care about.  That seems inevitably to lead to committee work, and ultimately, leadership.  I've spent over half of my career being chair of something, whether a department or a committee.

I've got good procedural reflexes and my integrity is pretty good;  people trust me more often than not.

Nearing the End

We're approaching the end of the semester;  I'm at a point in the semester where I need to let go of some of my goals (class coverage, committee work, personal projects) and focus on successfully achieving the goals that are most important to me.  There is a sense of loss, as I am keenly aware of promises that I have made and not kept, especially promises to myself.  There is also a sense of liberation, of shedding those things that hold me back as I sprint toward the finish line.

Helplessness in the Face of a Sick Child

Our son has had another (third) reaction to an antibiotic.  He had a vivid rash covering most of his body.  At this point the doctors can articulate what he has (Type II Hypersensitivity) but that is of little comfort---he will probably have this same reaction for the rest of his life when he takes antibiotics.

And there's not much I can do.  I can try to comfort, but I can't make it better.  There's no way around that.