Self Confidence

I've been trusting in my abilities more lately, and it's helped me to achieve more.  This stands in contrast with some low periods in my life where mistakes seemed to cascade and I started to question all of my choices.

I am putting more time into preparing for tasks, so that's part of it.  The other part is that like most people I get better at things when I do them more often.

So it's been crazy with my schedule but (so far) a fun crazy.

Being Sick

I've been fighting a cold and sore throat for about a week. It's in its final stages (less phlegm, less tenderness in my throat).

If I run a fever I'm pretty good about seeing a doctor---I've no desire to miss large amounts of work time.  That didn't apply here, but I did tell my family that I was sick and that I would be contributing less at home as appropriate.  I don't get sick much so they're pretty much supportive, just clueless sometimes.

I'm grateful that I don't get "sick" very often.  I don't think I've missed more than a couple of days of work over the decades.  I do have long-term health contributions, being overweight, diabetic, and having sleep-apnea.  The long-term stuff affects my prospects of a retirement that I can enjoy but does not yet affect my work week.

Back with a Vengeance

Since returning from my conference I've had two weeks of meetings, and it has been a whirlwind.  Little of it has been wasted, but I haven't had much time to focus on my classes.

I need to acknowledge that this is now part of my annual cycle, and finish my course preparations in July.

In a New Town

I'm at a conference in a city that I've not visited before.  The weather has been good, and I've had time to walk around and explore.

It's a great town, lots of good restaurants and things to do.  Inevitably I start having a background fantasy of not going back.  I wouldn't need to have a million dollars, but more than I currently do now.

Leave all my problems behind me.  Develop new problems, cause that's what I do.

Getting There

I've been getting some things done lately that had been lingering on my to-do list.  The to-do list eases my anxiety about losing track of details, but adds to my anxiety about things that I think I should do that remain undone.

It feels very unhealthy to base my self-worth so much on unchecked items on a list. I have to work harder at letting go.

Mid-Summer Blues

I'm experiencing my usual mid-summer anxiety.  I set myself so many goals for each summer and struggle to accomplish them.  I know that I'll be ready for my classes but it's never as early as I plan.  I've been giving talks each summer and it always feels as if I'm not ready for them early enough.

A smarter person than I (apparently) would learn from this regular and predictable state and cut down on expectations of myself.  I seem incapable of that.

I've got to find a way to slow down, for my mental if not physical health.

Back Again from Family Visits

Twice a year, around July 4 and around Christmas, we go to visit our families in PA and NY.

In NY, my bed is rock hard.  We are on the second floor, and the stairs are almost always blocked.  My wife's family has long had trouble getting started with things;  as they've aged it has only gotten worse.

In PA, my bed is so soft as to provide no support.  The house is over-filled to the point that it is difficult to walk freely.

In both cases my back aches more and more with each passing day. I go to the gym before people arise as many days as possible just to be able to move freely.

Each visit occurs roughly a month before a conference that I attend.  The though of moving freely, of making my own choices, and of being responsible only for myself helps me to get through these trips.