Mid-Summer Blues

I'm experiencing my usual mid-summer anxiety.  I set myself so many goals for each summer and struggle to accomplish them.  I know that I'll be ready for my classes but it's never as early as I plan.  I've been giving talks each summer and it always feels as if I'm not ready for them early enough.

A smarter person than I (apparently) would learn from this regular and predictable state and cut down on expectations of myself.  I seem incapable of that.

I've got to find a way to slow down, for my mental if not physical health.

Back Again from Family Visits

Twice a year, around July 4 and around Christmas, we go to visit our families in PA and NY.

In NY, my bed is rock hard.  We are on the second floor, and the stairs are almost always blocked.  My wife's family has long had trouble getting started with things;  as they've aged it has only gotten worse.

In PA, my bed is so soft as to provide no support.  The house is over-filled to the point that it is difficult to walk freely.

In both cases my back aches more and more with each passing day. I go to the gym before people arise as many days as possible just to be able to move freely.

Each visit occurs roughly a month before a conference that I attend.  The though of moving freely, of making my own choices, and of being responsible only for myself helps me to get through these trips.

Being Productive

Teaching is a lot easier when the students aren't around.  The campus is relatively quiet---we do have summer classes but not many on my floor---and I've had some peace and quiet.  Ideally I'd be doing a lot of contemplative work but I'm not up for it yet---still feeling worn thin mentally.  I have been focusing more on organization---trying to articulate finely what needs doing and prioritizing.  Accomplishing things feels better than what I'm doing but I truly hate the feeling that I've let something slip through the cracks and this builds my confidence that I'm not doing so.

Our Son is an Eagle Scout

We love him and are very proud of him.  That is ever-present and should be the lead.

Eagle Scout?  Where did that come from?

I never made it past Webelos.  I despise the outdoors.  I burn quickly.  I am allergic to pretty much everything related to plants.

My wife will go on scout camp trips since I don't.  She doesn't initiate camping.

Our son is something in and of himself.  As much as we see ourselves in him there is much that originates in him apart from us.  The Scouting is strong evidence of that.

Finally

I'm proctoring my third and last final exam for the term.  Only six students---good students;  the grading should be swift and simple.  Most of my effort will go into making sure that I don't make any typographical errors in recording the grades.

The semester and academic year come to a screeching halt.  I have a lot to work on this summer in preparation:  courses, committee work, a presentation in August.  I don't yet sitting here proctoring have the motivation to tackle anything too deep.

Closure on the Academic Year

A number of things are approaching closure if not completion.

I am writing final exams with a half week left of classes.  There is more of a sense of finality at the end of the Spring term than in December.  We are all low on stamina, and collectively this lowers our enthusiasm and increases our satisfaction.

I am winding down work with my research student, and have one possibility for a student to do research with in the coming year.

Committee work is in transition;  I have completed serving out the term of a colleague on sabbatical and will be nominated to chair a work-intensive committee.  I nearly desire to nor wish to avoid chairing the committee;  I just want to know so that I can mentally prepare either way.

Overall the fatigue has been more of an issue and that too should ease up a bit in three more weeks.  We'll see.

I Came Here to Sing

After five services for the Triduum, my university choral group had a concert last week and a concert this week, each with two dress rehearsals.  I am greatly pleased that my voice is still strong, but I am weary as I am only in May each year.  Not much down-time or sleep.