If It's After Easter Why Do I Feel So Dead?

I made it through the five Triduum services with my voice intact;  I can tell that there is a real difference now that I've been singing MWF with my university's singing group.  Physically I'm exhausted though.

April is always rough on the system.  The cumulative stress and the lack of sleep all hit hard.  I've got a concert this week with two evening dress rehearsals, so my evenings are committed.  Both of our kids have been spending a lot of time with me asking questions about their math homework.  Not a whole lot of downtime.

But the downtime is coming;  only a few more weeks of classes.

Running Low

This time of year has me grading lots of student work and preparing for Easter music.  On top of that I have several concerts with my university singing group.  I'm definitely low on energy.  It hasn't affected my work so much as my mood;  I'm not so much depressed as low on hope I guess, despite knowing from the calendar that these responsibilities will ease soon.

Race to the Finish

Spring Break is over;  six weeks of classes left.  Dozens of ad hoc meeting ahead, too little time to think.  Need to rely upon my organizational skills to get me through.

I do feel as if I am better organized this year.

Spring Break

I should be resting and regaining my stamina.  Instead I've helped with my son's Scout fundraiser and taken my daughter to get teeth extracted.  It's been a slower pace but with my locus of control being external it doesn't feel restful yet.

Regional Conference

I'll be going to a regional conference Thursday through Saturday.  These are more strenuous with less pay-off than the national conferences I go to.  Typically lots of driving, full days of meetings, and no time to do anything locally.  Some good talks, but a mix.  The main value to me is the networking and the chance to give a talk. It's a push to prepare for my classes for the week after I return, not a problem in January or August.

March Madness

Not the usual March Madness that I believe is related to basketball.  In March each year I have a conference, rehearsals for Easter choir, volunteering with the Scouts for their BBQ fundraiser, and scholarship interviews for my university.  For some reason more things are scheduled that I am required to participate in this month than any other month.

Tired, able to keep going on caffeine and momentum, crashing mentally when I am still too long.

Busy Week

It's been a busy week. Various and sundry things have eaten away at most of my discretionary time, and I feel behind on commitments.  I'm not really behind, just fearing that I will be behind. If needed I could teach a class or two in each of my courses without having prepared my class notes; I don't have to get graded work to students by the next class, etc.  Being prepared is a large portion of my self-esteem, how I measure if I've had a good day, etc.

I've been thinking about this lately;  I have given too much power to my To-Do list over my sense of my self.  I am only as good as my accomplishments, or so I act.  I need to make the list more of a tool and less of a goal.