Road Trip

Time for another trip to see our families in the Northeast.  This time we have a funeral viewing to get to, so we'll do part of the trip tonight and the rest tomorrow.  I feel that a lot of the responsibility for making the logistics work out falls to me, and yet I have little say in the planning. so it is a source of tension with my wife.

The kids are better-behaved but my daughter still thinks pretty much entirely in terms of her wants as opposed to what works for the rest of us.  I don't really enjoy traveling with my family much.

Still In Recovery

Well, I lost five pounds this past week.  I also go a lot (Annual Report, draft of Crista reference, Laura's expense tally) done at work as well.  I stayed awake through the last two homilies at church.  And while I am still getting winded on my walks, I'm not winded at the beginning, which is an improvement.

I am getting better, although I still have strong mood swings.  Better is good, much better than worse.

No Longer Chair

Well, as of Thursday I am no longer department chair.  I have unfinished business (completing the annual report, yuck) but I am no longer as responsible as I have been.

It has been hard to focus on what I want to do at work; I am definitely worn out mentally.  I need to get into a routine.

Already I am sleeping more which feels good, and yet my sleep is troubled and my body still aches all over.  I need to give it time to recover from the long-term sleep deprivation.

Temporary Office

I am working in an office that is normally used for two adjuncts.  It is peaceful, and I am able to think deeply, at least in terms of physical logistics.

After a week of getting more sleep I am very slowly finding my ability to dwell on one topic increasing, but after these years as department chair I still have a remarkably short attention span.

Annual Evaluation

I had a pretty frustrating meeting with my dean to discuss my annual evaluation.  I feel very strongly that the job description for being department chair is not very accurate in describing the day-to-day expectations of the job.  I was not articulate in expressing this and was chastised for not writing more in my self-evaluation about the role of department chair.  The rest of the self-evaluation seemed satisfactory.

Lot of rejoinders sprang to mind afterward.  I have yet to see the written report and may need to request revisions.  I feel that I let myself down despite my preparation---too worn out by the end of the semester.

Proctoring a Final Exam

I'm proctoring a final exam.  One student turned in his exam early and I've already graded it.  I want to grade the rest now, but I have to wait for them to finish.  I've brought work along but I don't feel like doing it.  I have to finish grading in 24 hours of the exam because of the need to turn senior grades in.  I want to get it done.  But I have to wait.

Reflection

The older I get the more aware I become of the damage my sins have caused me.

Every day is a struggle to let God heal me.

I don't know why I fear becoming whole.