Final Exams

I've given all my final exams and graded over half of them. I'm always torn between feeling that I've been too easy and that I've been too hard on my students.  I won't have any perspective on it for weeks.

End of Term

Tons of grading, students wanting to meet, emails, very fatigued mentally and physically.

Kids

Both of my children are struggling a bit right now. The oldest is in college and is struggling with academics and finding limits for his social activism; sleep-deprived, not always making the best choices. It's so hard to be at a distance, to respect his sovereignty and not just try to override his choices.

The youngest is a senior in high school and is overwhelmed (like her older brother was) by the college application process. For her it hurts to see her lose so much sleep to the point where she has trouble being productive.

Juggling

It feels as if there are more balls in the air that I have to keep track of than usual, but I don't think that it's true. My sleep has been disrupted more lately---Laura coughing, staying up to help Elizabeth, etc.  It's been busy though.

Focus

These past two weeks I've been focusing on organizing an officers meeting for a professional association.  I've had about six months to get it together but until the panic adrenaline kicked in, I could not wrap my head around the issues.

Now, losing sleep, thinking about the issues while doing other things, I do feel on top of the issues. You can never predict what will come up but going into the meeting I feel prepared, focused.

I wonder how I can improve my focus earlier.

It's Been a While

Back in March I had to take over at short notice in chairing a conference. Then two more months of chairing the big university committee and trying to plan for chairing an association. It's been a bit stressful and mind-numbing.

So what should I expect of myself when my mind is numbed? I feel guilty for not doing more but it is part of the same rhythm I've experienced for nearly three decades. After commencement my adrenal glands go on hiatus.

I should try to make sure that I do things that make me feel good about myself and stop self-flagellating.

Past the Panic

For a number of reasons I felt overwhelmed the last two weeks with work. Part of it was the academic calendar---I had less time after classes ended than usual. Part of it was taking on some more responsibilities for my professional association. A large part of it was feeling that my being behind was holding back other folk from getting things done.

For whatever reason (hard work?) I've gotten to the point where I am more on top of things. I think that teaching probably helps moderate my anxiety.

So Much To Do

In December I had a tipping point where it started taking too long to figure out what to do next from my to-do list. I am grateful that I have a lighter teaching load this coming semester but it still feels overwhelming, wondering what crucial things are remaining undone. I wake up in the middle of night trying to solve the problem half-awake. Sub-optimal.