Getting There

I've been getting some things done lately that had been lingering on my to-do list.  The to-do list eases my anxiety about losing track of details, but adds to my anxiety about things that I think I should do that remain undone.

It feels very unhealthy to base my self-worth so much on unchecked items on a list. I have to work harder at letting go.

Mid-Summer Blues

I'm experiencing my usual mid-summer anxiety.  I set myself so many goals for each summer and struggle to accomplish them.  I know that I'll be ready for my classes but it's never as early as I plan.  I've been giving talks each summer and it always feels as if I'm not ready for them early enough.

A smarter person than I (apparently) would learn from this regular and predictable state and cut down on expectations of myself.  I seem incapable of that.

I've got to find a way to slow down, for my mental if not physical health.

Back Again from Family Visits

Twice a year, around July 4 and around Christmas, we go to visit our families in PA and NY.

In NY, my bed is rock hard.  We are on the second floor, and the stairs are almost always blocked.  My wife's family has long had trouble getting started with things;  as they've aged it has only gotten worse.

In PA, my bed is so soft as to provide no support.  The house is over-filled to the point that it is difficult to walk freely.

In both cases my back aches more and more with each passing day. I go to the gym before people arise as many days as possible just to be able to move freely.

Each visit occurs roughly a month before a conference that I attend.  The though of moving freely, of making my own choices, and of being responsible only for myself helps me to get through these trips.